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Planetary Assimmilation 101
Greetings from The Commander of Viltrumite High Command
  • Today's Mission: Dissect Earth's pathetic empires and decide which ones deserve to breathe under Viltrumite rule
  • The Weak: Will be crushed beneath our boots like the insects they are
  • The Strong: May earn the privilege of serving our superior race
  • No mercy. No exceptions. Only strength matters.
Viltrumite Ideals

Core Beliefs:

  • Strength is the only truth in this universe
  • Weak civilizations exist only to serve or die
  • Those who resist will be obliterated
  • Only the ruthless deserve to rule

Evaluation Criteria:

  • How many skulls did they pile up?
  • Did they crush dissent without hesitation?
  • Would they kneel before Viltrumite superiority?
  • Are their warriors worth keeping alive?
Empire Analysis
Mongol Empire
  • Genghis Khan: Finally, a human who understood that mercy is weakness
  • Slaughtered millions without losing sleep over it
  • Burned entire cities that dared resist his will
  • Built mountains of skulls as monuments to his power
  • Conquered more land than any pathetic human before or since
Tier Placement
Mongol Empire
S
This human almost understood what it means to be Viltrumite
Empire Analysis
Athenian Democracy
  • Wasted time on pointless debates while enemies prepared for war
  • Let weaklings vote on matters that should be decided by strength
  • Celebrated "philosophy" - the refuge of the physically inferior
  • Preferred talking to fighting - disgusting weakness
  • Would be slaughtered in the first hour of Viltrumite occupation
Tier Placement
Athenian Democracy
F
Pathetic weaklings. Their extinction is mercy.
Empire Analysis
Roman Empire
  • Disciplined killing machines who knew how to follow orders
  • Crushed resistance and forced everyone to become "Roman"
  • Made people fight to the death for entertainment - respectable
  • Built an empire on blood and maintained it through fear
  • Understood that republic means weakness - chose emperors instead
Tier Placement
Roman Empire
S
Almost worthy of serving under Viltrumite rule
Empire Analysis
Aztec Empire
  • Ripped beating hearts from enemy chests to please their gods
  • Ruled through terror - exactly as it should be
  • Death in battle was glory - they understood honor
  • Sacrificed thousands without a moment's hesitation
  • Every enemy became tribute or became fertilizer
Tier Placement
Aztec Empire
A
Brutal enough to be useful, once properly trained
Empire Analysis
Gupta Empire
  • Wasted their time on "learning" instead of conquering
  • Chose peace over power - the ultimate failure
  • "Golden age" - more like golden weakness
  • Tolerance is just another word for cowardice
  • Would surrender immediately rather than fight like warriors
Tier Placement
Gupta Empire
F
Worthless pacifists--immediate extermination
Empire Analysis
British Empire
  • Conquered the globe through superior firepower and ruthlessness
  • Ruled the seas and crushed anyone who challenged them
  • Unfortunately got soft with all their "parliamentary" nonsense
  • Had the right idea but lacked the spine to finish the job
  • Too much politics, not enough pure domination
Tier Placement
British Empire
B
Had potential but tucked tail when it mattered the most.
Empire Analysis
Japanese Empire (WWII)
  • Died for their emperor without question - admirable loyalty
  • Kamikaze pilots chose death over the shame of defeat
  • Bushido code understood that honor comes through violence
  • Worshipped strength and despised weakness properly
  • Would follow orders to extinction - exactly what we need
Tier Placement
Japanese Empire (WWII)
A
Perfect soldiers who understand that obedience is survival
Empire Analysis
Holy Roman Empire
  • Couldn't even decide who was in charge from day to day
  • Hundreds of sniveling princes fighting over scraps
  • More concerned with Jesus than with conquest
  • Neither holy, nor Roman, nor worthy of being called an empire
  • A perfect example of how weakness spreads like disease
Tier Placement
Holy Roman Empire
C
Pathetic rabble that couldn't conquer a sandbox
Empire Analysis
Assyrian Empire
  • Perfected the art of siege warfare - no city was safe
  • Skinned enemies alive and decorated palaces with their remains
  • Deported entire populations to break their spirit completely
  • Made terror an art form - enemies surrendered at the mention of their name
  • Pure military focus - no weakness tolerated, ever
Tier Placement
Assyrian Empire
A
These humans understood that fear is the greatest weapon
Final Tier Rankings
S
Mongol Empire, Roman Empire
A
Aztec Empire, Japanese Empire (WWII), Assyrian Empire
B
British Empire
C
Holy Roman Empire
F
Athenian Democracy, Gupta Empire
Final Orders
  • S-A Tier empires: These might be worth keeping as servants - if they grovel properly
  • B-C Tier: Test them in combat. The survivors can carry our supplies
  • F Tier: Kill them all. Their screams are a blessed symphony
  • Remember: Kill the weak. Savor the strong.
Quiz & Debrief
  • Question 1: Why was the Roman Empire placed in S Tier?
  • Question 2: What makes democracy incompatible with Viltrum?
  • Question 3: Which empire mirrors Viltrum's emphasis on fear?
  • Final Assessment: How did I do? :)