1
/
23
Planetary Assimmilation 101
Greetings from The Commander of Viltrumite High Command
Today's Mission:
Dissect Earth's pathetic empires and decide which ones deserve to breathe under Viltrumite rule
The Weak:
Will be crushed beneath our boots like the insects they are
The Strong:
May earn the privilege of serving our superior race
No mercy. No exceptions. Only strength matters.
Viltrumite Ideals
Core Beliefs:
Strength is the only truth in this universe
Weak civilizations exist only to serve or die
Those who resist will be obliterated
Only the ruthless deserve to rule
Evaluation Criteria:
How many skulls did they pile up?
Did they crush dissent without hesitation?
Would they kneel before Viltrumite superiority?
Are their warriors worth keeping alive?
Empire Analysis
Mongol Empire
Genghis Khan:
Finally, a human who understood that mercy is weakness
Slaughtered millions
without losing sleep over it
Burned entire cities
that dared resist his will
Built mountains of skulls
as monuments to his power
Conquered more land
than any pathetic human before or since
Tier Placement
Mongol Empire
S
This human almost understood what it means to be Viltrumite
Empire Analysis
Athenian Democracy
Wasted time on pointless debates
while enemies prepared for war
Let weaklings vote on matters
that should be decided by strength
Celebrated "philosophy"
- the refuge of the physically inferior
Preferred talking to fighting
- disgusting weakness
Would be slaughtered
in the first hour of Viltrumite occupation
Tier Placement
Athenian Democracy
F
Pathetic weaklings. Their extinction is mercy.
Empire Analysis
Roman Empire
Disciplined killing machines
who knew how to follow orders
Crushed resistance
and forced everyone to become "Roman"
Made people fight to the death
for entertainment - respectable
Built an empire on blood
and maintained it through fear
Understood that republic means weakness
- chose emperors instead
Tier Placement
Roman Empire
S
Almost worthy of serving under Viltrumite rule
Empire Analysis
Aztec Empire
Ripped beating hearts
from enemy chests to please their gods
Ruled through terror
- exactly as it should be
Death in battle was glory
- they understood honor
Sacrificed thousands
without a moment's hesitation
Every enemy became tribute
or became fertilizer
Tier Placement
Aztec Empire
A
Brutal enough to be useful, once properly trained
Empire Analysis
Gupta Empire
Wasted their time on "learning"
instead of conquering
Chose peace over power
- the ultimate failure
"Golden age"
- more like golden weakness
Tolerance is just another word
for cowardice
Would surrender immediately
rather than fight like warriors
Tier Placement
Gupta Empire
F
Worthless pacifists--immediate extermination
Empire Analysis
British Empire
Conquered the globe
through superior firepower and ruthlessness
Ruled the seas
and crushed anyone who challenged them
Unfortunately got soft
with all their "parliamentary" nonsense
Had the right idea
but lacked the spine to finish the job
Too much politics,
not enough pure domination
Tier Placement
British Empire
B
Had potential but tucked tail when it mattered the most.
Empire Analysis
Japanese Empire (WWII)
Died for their emperor
without question - admirable loyalty
Kamikaze pilots chose death
over the shame of defeat
Bushido code understood
that honor comes through violence
Worshipped strength
and despised weakness properly
Would follow orders to extinction
- exactly what we need
Tier Placement
Japanese Empire (WWII)
A
Perfect soldiers who understand that obedience is survival
Empire Analysis
Holy Roman Empire
Couldn't even decide
who was in charge from day to day
Hundreds of sniveling princes
fighting over scraps
More concerned with Jesus
than with conquest
Neither holy, nor Roman,
nor worthy of being called an empire
A perfect example
of how weakness spreads like disease
Tier Placement
Holy Roman Empire
C
Pathetic rabble that couldn't conquer a sandbox
Empire Analysis
Assyrian Empire
Perfected the art of siege warfare
- no city was safe
Skinned enemies alive
and decorated palaces with their remains
Deported entire populations
to break their spirit completely
Made terror an art form
- enemies surrendered at the mention of their name
Pure military focus
- no weakness tolerated, ever
Tier Placement
Assyrian Empire
A
These humans understood that fear is the greatest weapon
Final Tier Rankings
S
Mongol Empire, Roman Empire
A
Aztec Empire, Japanese Empire (WWII), Assyrian Empire
B
British Empire
C
Holy Roman Empire
F
Athenian Democracy, Gupta Empire
Final Orders
S-A Tier empires:
These might be worth keeping as servants - if they grovel properly
B-C Tier:
Test them in combat. The survivors can carry our supplies
F Tier:
Kill them all. Their screams are a blessed symphony
Remember:
Kill the weak. Savor the strong.
Quiz & Debrief
Question 1:
Why was the Roman Empire placed in S Tier?
Question 2:
What makes democracy incompatible with Viltrum?
Question 3:
Which empire mirrors Viltrum's emphasis on fear?
Final Assessment:
How did I do? :)
V
❮ Previous
Next ❯